If Magellan were alive today, he would see that only exploring on top of the ocean is pretty lame. Why pay a King Tut’s worth of money to make a boat and pay all kinds of guys to swab stuff (what else is there to swab besides poop decks anyway) when you could simply get your browse on via Google earth and explore anything that might potentially peek your interest? Today’s modern world is nothing like what he knew. Back then it was easy for just about anyone to stumble across some crummy island, steal birds from it, name it after yourself , and drink piña coladas all over it. I want to know where Magellan would explore if I somehow found a time machine in our basement and he was sitting in there eating the last one of my peanut butter granola bars…
The Techno Rave Disco Years Room in the secret tunnel that runs under downtown.
I think this is where Magellan would tread if he wanted to explore somewhere a little less lame than on top of the ocean. He would trade in his telescope and hourglass for a cheap can of spray paint, a lunchable, and afterwards a long shower, because the water in there smells like a turd. We got to work on our own exploring and didn’t even get beat up in the process.
Now you may be asking yourself a question about all that loot Magellan got from exploring (leather pouches full of gold coins, parrots, skulls, etc.) “Was there any booty down there in the Techno Rave Disco Years Room?”
The answer my friends, was yes. The treasure came like that from the brim of Davey Jones’ locker. The most notable piece of treasure was a 1984 Van Halen Cassette tape. Second place was a size 13 boot full of spider webs, and coming in a close third was a soaking wet Coleman sleeping bag. The tape alone is worth enough to pay back King Tut for the boat Magellan still owes on.
Lucky for us Magellan wasn’t actually there, so we get to keep the booty.
